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SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three
seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of
time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink
with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a
used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top
of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almond’s are a member of the peach
family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its
Brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They
don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds.
Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English
word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in
recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals
have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past
you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of
reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your
whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes
open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is
just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes
with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag
flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from
birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of
dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when
refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest
word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your
right.
The average person's left hand does 56%
of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six
inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a
researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his
pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox
jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that
Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words "racecar",
"kayak", "radar" and "level" are the
same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a
dollar.
There are more chickens than people in
the world.
There are only four words in the English
language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous,
stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English
language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and
"facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the
Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just
striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can
be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’
room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer
of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
. ...........Now you know
everything
1.
How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique
Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
5. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
7. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
8. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
9. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..
10. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
11. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
12. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
13. Where Do You Find a Man With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
14. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
15. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
16. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
17. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
18. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
19. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
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Which Wife?
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to get his wife's test results.
The lab technician says to him, "I'm very sorry, sir,
but we've had a bit of a problem. At the same time we
sent your wife's samples to the lab, the lab also
received samples from another Mrs. Smith, and now
we're not sure which results are your wife's. But,
frankly, it's either bad news or terrible news!"
"What do you mean?" said Mr. Smith.
"Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's,
and the other Mrs. Smith has tested positive for AIDS.
And we can't tell which is your wife's test."
"This is terrible!" cries Mr. Smith. "Can't we do the test over?"
"Normally, yes," says the technician, "but you have
Blue Cross Health Care, and they won't pay for these
expensive tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" said Mr. Smith.
"Blue Cross recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't
sleep with her."
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RULES FOR CUTTING YOUR OWN FIREWOOD:
1. Park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall.
2. It helps to notch the tree away from the truck.
3. The fact that you live within driving distance of a
forest does not make you a lumberjack.
4. Just to be on the safe side, always borrow your
buddy's truck.
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TEXAS BLONDES
Three blondes were all applying for the last available
position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The Detective conducting the
interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you
all want to be cops, eh?"
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and
pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and
withdrew a picture and said, "To be a detective, you have
to be able to detect; you must be able to notice things
such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars,
etc."
So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the
first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
"Now", he said, "did you notice any
distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes I did. He only
has one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course
he only has one eye in this picture, it's a profile of his face!
You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of
the office.
The detective then turned to the second
blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it
back and said, "What about you, notice anything unusual or
outstanding about this man?"
"Yes, he only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed,
"Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is
a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one
ear! You are excused, too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last
blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time,
but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of
seconds and withdrew it, saying, "Alright, did you notice
anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I did, this man wears contact
lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture
and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He
looked up at the blonde with a puzzled _expression and said,
"You're absolutely right!... His bio says he wears contacts!
How in the world could you tell that By looking at this
picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said....
"Well, DUH!.. with only one eye and one ear he certainly can't
wear glasses!
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The Carburetor
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"The car won't start," said a wife to her
husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You
don't even know what the carburetor is."
"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure
there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it
out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool."
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DEAD DUCK
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she lay
her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to
the duck's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and
said, "I'm so sorry, Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead", he replied. "How can
you be so sure", she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's
owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a
beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed
softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this
is most definitely,100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill."$350!, she cried,"$350
just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill
would have been $40, but with the" Lab Test" and the "Cat
Scan....."
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Pronunciation
A Brownwood couple were
traveling in Louisiana headed to New Orleans. ON Hwy 49 as they came
to Natchitoches they decided to stop and get something to eat so
they pulled into a fast food drive through. After they ordered the man
asked the order taker if she "could say the name of this place -
slowly so they could understand the proper pronunciation."
Wanting to help tourists and very blond she said very slowly in her
best Louisiana accent "Burrrr-geerrrrr -- Kiiiin-gggg".
Safety Lesson
Think of the consequences before you
act irrational
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